So, suddenly, I’m in a certain situation again. And I’m tired. This morning I found out that my 16 year old cat Karma has a large mass in her jaw area. I don’t know how much time she has. She is eating and drinking and seeking attention. All I want to do is be with her. It’s hard to work; it’s hard to want to do anything else but be with her and watch her and touch her and talk to her.

I have been through this enough — I would think it would get easier or smoother. I certainly can write about it, but every time, it brings me to my knees. I will sleep like the dead tonight, because emotional exhaustion is the biggest kind of tiredness that I know. I may sleep with Karma.

Karma is a sweet and gentle cat. She came to us at 6 months, a stray that wandered into our yard and seemed fearful of the changing weather (in November) but not quite feral. No one near me claimed her so we kept her. She has always been the “nurse” when other cats were ill; now, I am seeing the other cats attend to her. It really is amazing.

I’m trying to find the beauty. I don’t like to put out bad news. I’ll be doing my best for her, I hope. Life.